First Presbyterian Church, Santa Barbara, May 6, 2007
Hear the Word of God as it is found in the Gospel according to St. John, the 13th Chapter, beginning at the 21st verse
"If You Have Love for One Another"
Gerald James Larson
I want to begin today with a story about a family. As many of you know, I have spent a good deal of time in my career in India, and many years back (specifically 1976) I was invited to be a visiting professor of philosophy at Banaras Hindu University. The chair of the department of philosophy at that time was L. N. Chaturvedi, and he and his wife invited my wife and me to attend the marriage of their beloved daughter, Veena, just before the beginning of the academic year. I had known L. N. Chaturvedi for some years—he was an old friend. Unfortunately, because of scheduling difficulties, we were unable to attend the full wedding ceremony sequence, which, as you may or may not know, in India is a major, festive event that goes over many days and usually involves several hundred people. The marriage was an arranged marriage, as is the case with most marriages in India, between two prominent Brahmin families, and involved a dowry, an agreed-upon amount of cash and gifts that the brides's family gives to the groom's family. A dowry in India in those days usually included about 10,000 Rupees in cash, a dozen expensive silk saris and usually a new motor scooter for the groom. These days considerably more money is involved, many more silk saris and jewelry, and a groom is often provided with a new car.
As I say, we were a bit late for the actual festivities, but I did get to meet the attractive young couple who appeared to be very happy and thrilled about beginning a new life together. A few months into the academic year, however, I noticed that L. N. Chaturvedi was beginning to look sad and distracted. It is expected of visiting professors to greet the head of department each day, as a courtesy gesture, and so I was able to notice this sadness every day when I came into his office to greet him. At first I thought that he was simply lonely for his daughter, since she, of course, had lived in the Chaturvedi home until the time of the wedding but then had shifted to the home of the groom following the wedding, according to Indian custom in such matters. The sadness of Professor Chaturvedi, however, soon turned into a deep depression, and I realized that something much more serious was happening. Finally, even though I was a foreigner and very much an outsider in the context, but nevertheless a personal friend, I took it upon myself to ask him—Kya bat hai, Chaturvedi-ji? ("What's the matter, old friend?")
He then unburdened himself with the following unfortunate narrative. One Saturday morning, a few weeks after the wedding, there was a knock on the door of the Chaturvedi home. Mrs. Chaturvedi answered the knock, and when she opened the door, she saw her recently married daughter standing just outside. Her sari was torn. She had bruises and smeared blood on her face and arms, and she was crying. Her mother immediately thought that she had been in a scooter accident, but the mother soon learned that something far worse was beginning to happen.
The daughter said: "They want twelve more silk saris and another 10,000 rupees." The Chaturvedis had negotiated the dowry amount before, but, now, obviously, the other family wanted more. At this point, I interrupted Professor Chaturvedi. I asked, "What did you do? Did you call the authorities?" "Of course, not," said Chaturvedi, "we could not possibly call the authorities. We simply provided the additional saris and the appropriate amount of rupees, and our daugher returned to the home of her husband."
Professor Chaturvedi then continued his narrative. Some two weeks later, and again on a Saturday morning, there was another knock on the door, and again the daughter stood outside, this time beaten even more severely than the preceding time. "They want another ten saris and another 10,000 rupees." This time, I thought to myself, surely the Chaturvedis would have gone to the authorities or confronted the family directly, or at least, not allowed their daughter to return to the home of her husband; but I was mistaken.
The Chaturvedis simply provided the additional saris and the requested amount of rupees; and their daughter returned to her husband's family home. He explained to me that if he were to go to the authorities, it would be a terrible scandal for both families. Even more terrifying, however, and really the underlying tragic dimension, he explained that at this stage of the extortion, it was only a matter of saris and rupees. He and his wife were terrified that the situation could easily escalate into something even more serious, namely, the so-called kitchen burning "accident" that all too often takes the life of young married brides in India. Moreover, if they were to terminate the marriage of their daughter and take her back home, it would most likely ruin her chances of ever finding a suitable mate and having a normal life. Said L.N.: "In our situation, there is nothing we can do but watch and wait." In the meantime, a loving and caring family was nearly torn to pieces. Mrs. Chaturvedi, the mother, became bedridden with a deep depression. Professor Chaturvedi continued to teach his classes, and his own depression grew deeper and deeper. The extortion continued for several additional months, and eventually, when the groom's family was satisfied that they had received enough from the Chaturvedis, the extortion finally stopped!
Recalling that episode from my experience in India, it occurred to me that there is a kind of parable in that family's story that is worth highlighting on this fifth Sunday of Eastertide. We are invited by our denomination to prepare for Mother's Day and Christian family week beginning next week, and this sort of story, it seems to me, may possibly provide a useful meditation for our consideration. A parable, as we all know, is a brief narrative that forcefully illustrates a basic idea and was used as a teaching device in biblical times. Our Lord, as we all know, used the device on many occasions.
We might call the story of the Chaturvedi family simply 'The Parable of the Anguished Family.' Many of us can relate to times when we have experienced anguish in the lives of our own families—to be sure, not the same circumstances as the Chaturvedi family, but comparably difficult times. Moreover, of course, as Christians, we can relate to and recall experiences of anguish in the life of our church family—times when misunderstanding or confusion have threatened the peace and unity of the church. Such anguish is occurring just now in our denomination over the issue of ordination standards and whether or not to allow gays and lesbians into positions of church leadership. Comparable anguish is occurring among our Episcopalian and Lutheran church families as well.
Perhaps most of all, however, we are aware of the anguish in our Lord's own family, both the family of his disciples as well as his own immediate family, which brings me to the Gospel reading for the day. The core passage in the Gospel reading for the morning is the famous admonition of Jesus about unconditional love, especially when combined with the other admonitions about love in Jesus' ministry. These are, of course, the admonition to love God and one's neighor as oneself (Matthew 22: 37-38) and the admonition to love one's enemies (Matthew 5:44 and Luke 6:27). Clearly, unconditional love is at the very heart of the Christian Gospel. Says Jesus in our passage for today,
I give to you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
It is not usually noticed, however, that this famous passage is deliberately placed between two dark events. Just before Jesus utters the new commandment to love one another, Jesus identifies the one who is to betray him, and tells him, “Do quickly what you are going to do,” and Judas thereafter leaves the upper room. The text then reads: “And it was night.” Then, immediately after the command to love one another, Peter comments to Jesus, “I will lay down my life for you.” Jesus responds: “Will you lay down your life for me? Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.” The passage to love one another, in other words, is situated between Jesus’ awareness of betrayal, on the one hand, and the realization of Peter’s denial, on the other. It was, indeed, night. It was a time of terrible anguish.
The expression "if you have love for one another," then, resonates on several different levels. Perhaps most obviously, "If you have love for one another," the way to proceed is seldom clear, or in other words, precisely HOW to love in a particular context can be tough and difficult to discern. Sometimes, to be sure, there are moments of exhilaration and great joy in loving, but there are also moments of great uncertainty. We wish there was a simple abstract principle that would tell us how to love, but the new commandment of Jesus is that we are to love unconditionally in contexts in which there are no simple answers. The Chaturvedis were all caught up in a tragic situation in which they sought to love one another but weren't quite sure how to proceed. Likewise in our own families, whether as parents or children, mothers or fathers, grandparents, precisely how should we love one another? When does love become manipulative or abusive or exploitative? When do we intervene because of our loving concern, or when do our interventions become intrusive or destructive? Unfortunately, there is no "one size fits all" regarding unconditional love and it is often tough-going. Each context is a unique challenge to love as best we can. Putting this issue of how to love unconditionally in a contemporary political frame, how do we love unconditionally a suicide bomber? How do we love unconditionally Islamist jihadists who want to kill us? How do we love unconditionally a Cho Seung-hui, from a good Korean Presbyterian family, who murders thirty-two people on a college campus? But, surely, we say to ourselves, our Lord meant only unconditional love for other Christians, but that thought, as I think that we all realize, is a rather superficial reading of the Gospel. It's fairly uncomplicated to love someone unconditionally who loves us back unconditionally. It becomes somewhat more problematic when we are called upon to love the unlovable. Then, the shadow of the cross comes into play, and the stark challenge of Christian love begins to press in on us in a more disturbing fashion. Sometimes it's necessary to act in a forceful, even violent, fashion, to protect the very existence of love—hence, the Church's struggle through the centuries to define and think through theologically "Just War Theory." The issue is not unlike the paradox of tolerance. We all want to be tolerant, but the genuine challenge of tolerance only begins when we come up against the intolerant. If we do not tolerate the intolerant, we're no longer tolerant. If we tolerate intolerance, we lose our capacity, finally, to be tolerant.
"If you have love for one another" also suggests that although having love for one another in the life of the family can bring the greatest human experience of happiness, having love for one another often also can bring with it PAIN, BETRAYAL, REGRET AND GREAT SADNESS. The joyous wedding feast of the Chaturvedis was coupled with the betrayal and exploitation of extortion and abuse. Likewise our Lord's new commandment to learn to love unconditionally in concrete situations in which there are no easy answers was itself sandwiched between the betrayal of Judas, on one side, and the denials of Peter, on the other. Christian faith shows us that resurrection, hope, joy and happiness are never very far away from the cross. How many times have we been disappointed in our own family lives? The searing pain of divorce! The anguish because of our children making choices that we wish they had not made! The angry words we have spoken to ones we love the most! The mistakes we've made along the way as parents and children and the resulting regrets we carry! The grief we have felt when those nearest to us have suffered terribly or died!
Finally, "to have love for one another" means that sometimes one can only WATCH AND WAIT AND HOPE. Professor Chaturvedi had said to me: "In our situation we can only watch and wait." So, too, the mother of Jesus surely reached that moment when she could only watch and wait. In Mel Gibson's film, "The Passion of the Christ," one of the few successful sequences, apart from the unfortunate caricatures throughout the film, is the portrayal of Jesus' mother, Mary, as she watches and waits through the terrible ordeal that her son must experience. We know also that Jesus had at least four brothers and several sisters (cf. Mark 6:3, 3:31). And although we also know that they were not supportive of his ministry (cf. John 7:5), it must surely have been a wrenching time for them to know that their brother was to be crucified. It certainly was a terrible time for the disciples of Jesus. As the text reads: "And it was night." One thinks also here of the famous line from John Milton's poem, "On His Blindness": "They also serve who only stand and wait." We can paraphrase that line to read: "They also love who only stand and wait." Sometimes the only way to love is just to "be there" with the ones we love. That, finally, is, of course, the truly important meaning of the incarnation—Immanuel, "God is with us."
But let me move on to my conclusion. The "parable of the anguished family" has had an interesting, and perhaps somewhat puzzling, happy ending. The husband of Veena, the daughter of the Chaturvedis, was a petroleum engineer. He had been unemployed and, hence, forced to live in the extended family. He finally secured a job in Bombay, and he and his wife moved there, and over the years they have raised three wonderful children. They regularly visit both families back in Banaras, and the families regularly interact with one another. When I asked Professor Chaturvedi about this in later years, he said simply: "We decided to forgive!"
As Christians, we know about somebody else who decided to forgive: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!" Jesus' new commandment of unconditional love leads us through uncertainty, pain, betrayal and denial—indeed, the dark night of the soul—but issues in the promise and glory of our resurrection faith. Thanks be to God!
Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God, forever and ever. Amen.